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endo_hope's Journal

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i'm a girl.
hopefully i will learn to take good use of this journal for tracking my health/pain/progress.

i have endometriosis, had symptoms since my first period at 14 (just shortly after turning)
was told i was crazy untill laprasopicaly diagnosed at 17 in october (soon to be 18) they doctor who diagnosed me either did something wrong, or didn't report all he found. i went from bad to bed ridden after his surgery. may the next year, now at 18 i had a different surgen go in and try to deal with the adheations, what he found was far far more then the first doctor reported. his hopes were that i would be feeling great 2-7 years with a minimum of 1 year, for 4 months i was amazing and then it all came back.

before being diagnosed i had tryed 5 different types of bc pill all with no suckess, deprovara, and after being diagnosed lupron. none worked. all that work for me, untill their effective ness becomes less shortly after starting (reletively) are strong narcotic painkillers, this of course only mask the pain and are impossible to live my life while on.

this is breif and un-spell checked. both hope to later fix.

i am also someone who sufferd from vaginismus. though with the love and support i have have been able to mostly overcome it.
i am soon 21, and am in my first year of college.
in fact as i make this journal i should be stusying/reading, doing homework, or assignments. but i feel i should creat this account.

my pain while i was working for an entire year fulltime at a labour intence job seemed manageable. but lately its become worse and far more constant with also increase in bleeding again and sencitivites

*****update, im now done my first year of college. am 21 and things progressed alot since last updated. im now at the point im in constant pain to varying degrees. in april they think they might have found a cyst ruptured. due to the pain and unable to get to classes i almost failed out my 2nd semester. but somehow ended up passing everything but one class. im now unable to seem to acomplish anything, unable to work, and thats about it

i had to leave school in november, pain to much i couldnt keep up
surgery was december 3rd (another lap in hopes it might help with pain like last time (3.5years ago i got 4months of releif) then it came back and progressed to how i was in november.
after surgery i see very lettle difference. some improvement but not nearly enough to have normal life.

i am now looking to get a small part tome job, perhaps Nannying since i would like to not spend up my savings/college fund on daily living expenses here.

May 2009:

I have a pain management doc, 4 weeks ago he was at giving up point, and then after my melt down pretended he is still interested in helping.
now off demerol, and the drug he gave me to use to help cope with the pain is an anti-inflamitory and is about 98% useless.
so i went from now and then being able to help around the house while on demerol, to a lump on the couch, who is depressed (likely a side of comming off demerol) but also likely due to feeling useless, i cant do anything. including have sex since i know it will right now only add to pain.
we tried nerve blocks (he gave up on them) i tryied lyrica (it did nothing to help me so got back off them)
so i HURT. hurt hurt hurt.

surgery in december if fuck all. but thats life.
See him again this comming week and hope he has something of use to say. My big worry is, i have had to use other random pills i had to get through the last few days due to pain, and also smoke pot... but how the hell do i tell him that without looking like a druggie. i stayed off demerol, and didnt crave it, had headaches coming off it sure, but had no want to take it except to make the pain go away, this pain is nuts, i may as well have NO abdominal strength since if i rely on it at all i am in insane pain so i just avoid using them, and end up looking like a cripple .... ALL the time.